Let’s be honest: Anger is one of the top struggles we mothers face. And the truth is, it doesn’t magically disappear just because we want it to. Check out this list to learn why you might find it hard to stop feeling so mad.
Being a mom to 3 little boys is no joke. Heck, being a mom to anybody is no joke!
The struggle is real sometimes.
And so is the anger.
Unfortunately for me, the struggle with anger has been really, really real.
And I find that I am not alone. When I speak with other moms, anger is probably the number one struggle I hear from them, over and over.
My own fight with anger has really bothered me this past year. It is so easily set aflame. When the first sound I hear in the morning is brothers screaming and fighting (again), I’m immediately angry. Didn’t we do this yesterday? Like, all day? And the day before that?
And as the days wind on like a repeating soundtrack, I find that instead of becoming more immune to it, I give in to anger even more easily the next time.
When my hubby asks me how my day was, if I’m honest, I’ll probably have to say that I spent most of it frustrated, impatient, and mad. Again.
I haven’t liked the anger that I’ve seen in my life lately. As someone who claims to be a Christian, I know that it is wrong to live my life like a fire-breathing She-Dragon every day.
But shedding anger is not as easy as just deciding to be done with it. There are actually changes that have to be made in my thinking and daily habits.
I think the first thing I realized is that my kids’ behavior is not what is making me feel angry.
My own thoughts and attitudes and the way I choose to respond are what make me angry. Which means that I need to take a deeper look into my own heart.
So I took a good hard look at the root of my anger and impatience.
And here is what I found.
I made a list of 7 of the biggest ways I’ve seen anger weasel its way into my life as a mother. I have been guilty of each and every one of them at some point, some more than others.
And maybe you have to? Take a look and see what you think.
By the way, this list was written tongue-in-cheek. Take it as a “What Not To Do” list. 😉 Sort of as a way to explore what life looks like when I don’t bother to do the hard work of eradicating anger from my life.
7 ways to keep being an angry mother
1. Be too busy to spend time in god’s word.
Treat it as though it really isn’t all that important or relevant to your life. Let all of life’s more pressing matters take priority so that there is no room left to make time to read and pray. Your soul will slowly become malnourished until there is barely any spiritual energy left to draw from. You’ll have a hard time remembering which truths are relevant to your daily situations, and your emotions will take the driver’s seat instead.
2. Let Your Feelings Determine Your Thoughts.
Since you’re not really being filled up with God’s Word anyway, this one should be easy. Rather than taking your thoughts captive to the Truth of God’s Word, go ahead and let your own thoughts and feelings take control. It’s guaranteed to fan the flame of blame, self-pity, anger, and bitterness.
3. Value your own comfort and peace more than the state of your children’s hearts.
When It Comes to Listening and Understanding Them:
Don’t take the time to really listen to your children when they need correction–just dole out punishment to stop the chaos and get some peace. You’ll be sure to shut down lines of communication and miss priceless opportunities to nurture them.
When You Speak to Them:
Don’t bother using restraint in your words, it takes too much time and effort. Speak first, think afterwards. If you yell loud and mean enough, they’ll be frustrated and scared enough to be quiet and stop doing whatever it is that’s driving you crazy.
Next time you’ll probably have to yell louder and meaner to get your point across, which will ensure that your blood pressure is sky-high all the time.
When Your Child Messes Up:
If your child messes up by making a poor decision, go ahead and fix the problem for them. That’s a whole lot quicker and easier than allowing them to suffer the natural consequences and learn from their mistakes.
And since they’re not learning from their mistakes, you’ll get to keep swooping in to rescue them from their problems–often well into their adulthood.
4. Try to Control Your children instead of nurturing them.
This one is the secret sauce for anger.
Instead of finding your confidence, trust, and hope in God, put all the pressure on yourself to make them into perfect specimens of humanity that you can be proud to show off. Rather than speaking pleasant words from a heart that is quietly confident in God, you’ll instead speak words that are harsh, fearful, controlling, and angry when they don’t live up to your expectations.
Believe that if you are the perfect parent, then your kids are guaranteed to turn out perfectly too.
5. Expect Your Kids to make you happy and fulfilled. or better yet, make them an idol.
Put all the pressure on your kids to give your life meaning. When they fail to give you a happy existence or live up to your expectations (and they will), you’ll have lots of bitterness, anger, and harsh words to share with them.
And bonus points if they’re an idol in your life, meaning that you love them even more than you love God. They will certainly fall short of the fulfillment that only God can give.
6. Refuse to believe that motherhood is a high calling.
Listen when culture tells you that motherhood is a state of oppression and that you should do everything you can to get out from underneath it. Believe that your children hold you back .
Buy in to the ridiculous lie that the unseen work you do in raising eternal souls has little to no value.
Believing these things will help you trade one of life’s greatest joys and blessings for bitterness and long-term regret.
7. Refuse to be thankful.
If you’re looking to be joy-less, this is probably the quickest way.
Compare yourself and your kids to everyone else. Feel bitter that you spend your days serving others instead of only looking out for your own needs. Ignore the beautiful and innocent moments of childhood, (aware that it could be taken away from you at any moment), and instead feel mad about how much is required of you.
Ultimately, create an atmosphere of un-thankfulness in your home that you can pass on to your children.
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you might also enjoy these other posts about biblical motherhood:
- 7 Reasons Christian Moms Stay Angry
- A Letter to My Son About Steadfast Love
- 4 Ways to Help Your Kid Deal With Jealousy
- What Is Biblical, Gospel-Centered Parenting All About?
- When I Learned That I Would Never Have a Daughter